Our Really Stupid Ideas for Solving the Crisis

Fingers have been pointed at Elton John for coming up with the idea that the Internet should be shut down for five years:
http://www.neowin.net/index.php?act=view&id=41752

In general, people have said it is a really stupid idea.

In the interests of lateral thinking, how about getting together some really stupid ideas for solving the crisis? We might accidentally hit on a great idea

The more extreme, and daft, the better.

Well, in the interests of getting the ball rolling:

lets ban money
guarantee the banks
start a "save the Irish" appeal
jail all our politicians
turn Phoenix Park into a safari attraction with wild lions.........

Does Fás run Astrology/Tealeaf/Palm Reading Training Courses yet? It could be one way to spend the future nights we have ahead of us when we can't afford the electricity for our televisions/internet/etc.

Start up a research centre into cloning your dead pets. I'd love to have Rover, Jessie, Sammy and John back in my life so I could train the bastards properly this time round - wouldn't you pay a good couple of quid to have your dead furry fella reincarnated?

Start a space race to Mars against the Chinese, Americans and Russians. There's absolutely tons of gold and diamonds and oil under all that red dirt I'd say - getting a 10 trillion loan from the IMF for such a programme would be a sure winner.

I think the Phoenix Park should be turned into an elephant sanctuary.

Would conscription mean that unemployment would go down?
To ensure people spent money on local services:-
- make people get their hair cut more often (helps hairdressers/barbers)
- force people to keep their windows clean (jobs for windowcleaners)
- encourage people to eat out more
- outlaw self-service petrol pumps to create jobs for the underclass
- make it cheaper to drink in pubs than to buy alchohol in shops/offlicences

Fill in Dublin bay entirely and give everyone in the city an allotment.

Conscription; and make the involuntary recruits work on sea defences for the Dart line along Dublin Bay. Train them in living on the land, horticulture etc... we may need those skills in the future

Tax increases; cut the early childcare supplement and put it back in the health service.

Have Fas run a volunteering recruitment service for the unemployed...National Service?? Set up unemployed professionals with charities and schools that could use a hand.

Ramp up retraining courses and pay for the NDP with the tax increases.

Hack bureaucracy and bureaucrats. Half the quangos could go. Put the staff in Social Welfare and retraining schemes

Give the farmers all their slurry money and encourage them to use horses where they can. Ag will be a growth industry.

Alternative energy! Fast track Corrib. Ask EDF would they like to build a nuclear plant somewhere in the Northern half of the country, and get Sammy Wilson and Co to co-operate and contribute.

Keep building cross border initiatives and co-operation, because I still believe the UK's financial liabilities will sink them to the extent that we have to help with paying for the North.

Give up on recapitalisation, nationalise all the banks, wait for a recovery, and hope the assets will eventually recompense us for our trouble. People are still talking about future housing shortages, and, in 3 years time, when the market cops on to this, there could be sharp price rises since all our builders will be either bankrupt or in Dubai/Oz/Canada. Or both.

That recovery bond the unions mentioned is a good idea. But it should be hypothecated for the NDP

Carbon taxes....

Let's pretend it's not happening.

Hermes wrote:

Let's pretend it's not happening.

That idea seems to be in use by all sides of the Oireachtas......the Government, who will only do decisive when the crisis goes nuclear, and the opposition, who are yapping on about stimulus plans (Gilmore) and deciding we don't need pay cuts (FG).....and to all those who opposed the bank Guarantee (Lab) and the Anglo nationalisation (most of the opposition).

Come on Dail Eireann..... you can do better!

That's been tried by the Cabinet already Hermes.

Dig a tunnel to link ourselves to Spain
Sell our grandmothers
Become an centre for extreme agri-experimentation - GMs cloning, mobile plants with legs...
Turn Farmleigh into a high class brothel..

Yes, a link to Spain would be ideal. Preferably to the Costa... it is in desperate need of new housing to be built, just like us, we could share expertise .

Cactus wrote:

That's been tried by the Cabinet already Hermes.

Ah, but therin lies the reason for its failure to succeed. Nothing succeeds like excess. If we were all pretending, it'd work.

I know. Best idea so far really.

On the Phoenix Park theme, it has struck me that our society has become too safety conscious and that we under estimate the damage done by white collar crime.

So time to redress this decadence and reintroduce some classical values. We should consider feeding misbehaving bankers and politicians to the lions. This popular pastime is part of our European culture and goes back to when Europe was truely great.

An apitizer before a match at Croke Park? It should clarify minds wonderfully.

Perhaps that format would prove to be a bit quick, dated and predictable and would become tedious with time. We could instead have a reality TV series and see who wins a pardon. Land them in a Phoenix park suitably stocked. It would do wonders to RTE ratings and the programmes would generate a good income when sold abroad.


If things get really bad everyone could emigrate so there is no one left to repay the loans. So why worry?

Sell Tony Gregory's Dail seat to the highest bidder.

I know what we should do! Bring back the PDs!!!

Have they actually gone yet? They are of similar importance to Lehmans so may take a generation to wind up .

Default.

And abolish money.

Squire wrote:

...
So time to redress this decadence and reintroduce some classical values. We should consider feeding misbehaving bankers and politicians to the lions. This popular pastime is part of our European culture and goes back to when Europe was truely great.

An apitizer before a match at Croke Park? It should clarify minds wonderfully.
...

That would constitute a foreign game. It'd need approval from a special congress. Not going to happen I suspect.
Maybe it would be an option for the redeveloped Lansdowne?

And coming on well it is too. Cannot wait to be back home and out of Croker.

impose windfall tax on Fianna Fail

johnfás wrote:

And coming on well it is too. Cannot wait to be back home and out of Croker.

Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

Hehehe...

I am very appreciative of the opportunity of rugby to be played in Croker. It is a magnificent stadium. But just like if GAA were to be played in Lansdowne Road there are problems which detract from the experience as a supporter. In particular, owing to the dimensions of a GAA pitch, which is far bigger than a rugby pitch, the crowd are far too far away for rugby matches held at Croke Park and it does detract from the experience.

On the otherhand, it has resulted in a fantastic interaction between the two organisations at all levels. I have worked for and volunteered for the IRFU at various levels from coaching to working in a voluntary capacity at all the Irish matches. Since the opening of Croke Park there has been much greater cooperation between the GAA and the IRFU, this can be seen from programmes such as training for stewards as well as first aid training. That cooperation, for the benefit of both organisations, has been a tremendous outcome.

That said, it will be good to be home. Just as a GAA supporter would feel the same way if they were orphaned.

That's more like it.

;-)

johnfás wrote:

Have they actually gone yet? They are of similar importance to Lehmans so may take a generation to wind up .

Yes they have. Both of them.

All emigrate

cactus flower wrote:

All emigrate

But to where?

Somewhere sunny, I hope.