Incomprehensible News Headlines

I'm quite a fan of Iain Banks' Culture SF novels. Something he throws into them from time to time are incomprehensible news headlines, for that futuristic feel.

Reading the Register today, I was rather struck by this headline, which, transported back a mere decade or so, would make no sense whatsoever:

Quote :

Stretchy 'bucky-gel' promises touchscreen video-stockings
Interactive nano-Spandex iPants for all

Any other totally WTF headlines?

Not very scientific but real:

Quote :

Ike beats Tina to death.

Some funny ones HERE

And this nice piece of understatement

Quote :

The Irish Daily Mirror showed a gift for understatement when it reported: "The Children's Court was told that the 17-year-old from Coolock, Dublin, is charged with possession of a Luger calibre Keltec pistol and four rounds of 9mm ammunition in suspicious circumstances at his home on April 17th."l

ibis wrote:

I'm quite a fan of Iain Banks' Culture SF novels. Something he throws into them from time to time are incomprehensible news headlines, for that futuristic feel.

Reading the Register today, I was rather struck by this headline, which, transported back a mere decade or so, would make no sense whatsoever:

Quote :

Stretchy 'bucky-gel' promises touchscreen video-stockings
Interactive nano-Spandex iPants for all

Any other totally WTF headlines?

I'm currently rereading my Culture novels after about 10 years and they are the bee's knees. Will Machine Nation ultimately acquire sentience as Ireland's first Mind, or will it go like P.ie and become the Affront?