Limericks...

Limericks, if you can do them. Only your own.

An author with proper compunction
Can place long words in conjunction
to make up a rhyme
sounding reasonably fine
but the scansion tends to dysfunction

A young Teachta Dála called Kenny
Made plans to go spend a penny
The attendant was blythe
About the cut-backs on shite
And told him he couldn't spend any

There was a great leader called Brian,
To the Bottle he turned over time,
The country did wonder,
At the scale of the blunder,
But all agreed that his black hair did shine.

An intrepid reporter called Connolly
was fond of pronouncements and homilies
but about his holiday
there is nowt he will say
though it is certain he was not spotted in Stromboli

There was a short deputy called Rabitte
Who made crazy similes a habit
His celebrity hot flushes
Caused his party red blushes
Leaving him sorry he ever took a stab at it

Zhou_Enlai wrote:

There was a short deputy called Rabitte
Who made crazy similes a habit
His celebrity hot flushes
Caused his party red blushes
Leaving him sorry he ever took a stab at it

There was a young chancer called Ganley
Who strove to be macho and manly
In his RDF gear
He let out a cheer
For the Queen and George Bush evenhandedly.

There was a bould banker called Seanie
For the property boom he was horny
He was great with the lads
but less good at maths
Which has led to a predicament thorny.

[Disclaimer - I am sure S is deadly at maths. Poetic licence don't you know. Better do some work.]

There was an economist called McWilliams
Who craved fame like a young Terry Gilliam
He forecasted doom
And an end to the boom
And now we're all thinking of killing him

Why worry about political time limit,
Nestor swears that it is all legit,
To preside again in Argentina,
You put forward your wife Cristina,
but voters are too dump to get it.

There once was a machine for voting
Over which the Minister was doting
But the notion is dead
So it sits in a shed
Forever to be good for no thing

Parliament once was a place of great amplitude
Where the future was planned with great rectitude
But now the experts parlay
leaving only yea or nay
So "why bother turning up?" is the attitude

There was a young fellow named Dahmer
A real Republican charmer
He went with a will
To Capitol Hill
But purely to barrack Obama.

If you want to live old like Methuselah
Make sure that economics amuses ya
For if you worry and scare
about the future of shares
The gloom it will crush you and screw ya

There was a tall woman called Burton
For the poor of the land she was hurtin
With her accountants drone
she cuts to the bone
I wonder how she sounds when she's flirtin

A tall man by the name of Obama
Is on the hunt for a guy called Osama
He'll pursue his man
any way that he can
By Hummer by horse or by llama


must... stop.... limericking....

I once had some shares in a bank
When their value suddenly sank
Because a chancer called Fitz
Gave the market the shits
And now they're not worth a wank.

The choice it couldn't be grimmer,
It is sprouts or cabbage for dinner,
No jam roly poly, with custard,
No beef, Yorkshire pudding and mustard,
I think I'm going to be thinner.

The salubrious realm Machine Nation
home of erudite prognostication,
accepts only the best
and will sentence the rest
to immediate defenestration.

Very good.

I remember crying as a child because I was so terrible at writing Limericks.

I once had a brief called johnfás,
Whose limericks were unbearably crass,
As his meter died,
He invariably cried,
But he still had a neck made of brass.

A wee bit of motivation

I'd love to do Limericks like these
But I'd say mine would look like disease
I can only rhyme telly
with belly and jelly
So I'll read yours instead if you please

This thread has some excellent rhymes
Both funny and truthful at times
But at this time of night
I'd write lots of shite
Like times rhymes with mimes rhymes with crimes.

There was a young girl of Aberystwyth
Went out for a man for to twist with
They got on all right
And at the end of the night
They united the parts that they pissed with.

Shame on me!

There once was a gang of part-timers
Who thought they were proficient rhymers
I thought i'd join in
but much to my chagrin
I appear to have come down with alzheimers