Pointing Percy INTO the porcelain

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So what about taking a leak in the bushes behind the shed then Kate P? Or as cookie says, the shower. Us men ...

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Visions of early morning train journeys in India and all those people squatting in the fields.

Worst toilet I have ever seen was Victoria (Central) Station Mumbai. Must have been a problem with the drains. Yes CookieMonster's wadding would have been required. I could not even approach it the smell was indescribable. How do you get to a situation where you have pools, no a lake, of sewerage? At what point do people decide NO not there?

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Auditor #9 wrote:: So what about taking a leak in the bushes behind the shed then Kate P? Or as cookie says, the shower. Us men ...

Poor Kate.

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Squire wrote:: Visions of early morning train journeys in India and all those people squatting in the fields.

Worst toilet I have ever seen was Victoria (Central) Station Mumbai. Must have been a problem with the drains. Yes CookieMonster's wadding would have been required. I could not even approach it the smell was indescribable. How do you get to a situation where you have pools, no a lake, of sewerage? At what point do people decide NO not there?

The worst toilet I ever used was a hut in the Himalayas. Standard squat-hole convenience but very heavy use. The, er, pile, had reached up above floor level by at least six inches.

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ibis wrote:

Squire wrote:: Visions of early morning train journeys in India and all those people squatting in the fields.

Worst toilet I have ever seen was Victoria (Central) Station Mumbai. Must have been a problem with the drains. Yes CookieMonster's wadding would have been required. I could not even approach it the smell was indescribable. How do you get to a situation where you have pools, no a lake, of sewerage? At what point do people decide NO not there?

The worst toilet I ever used was a hut in the Himalayas. Standard squat-hole convenience but very heavy use. The, er, pile, had reached up above floor level by at least six inches.

Those mountains didn't make themselves, you know.

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Has anyone ever tried a toilet, the oriental squat type, which has rats using it as their equivalent of the M5? Difficult to relax and let loose. Beyond my abilities.

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Squire wrote:: Has anyone ever tried a toilet, the oriental squat type, which has rats using it as their equivalent of the M5? Difficult to relax and let loose. Beyond my abilities.

Squat toilet in Srinagar on Dal Lake - houseboat (toilet simply 'dumped' into the lake). Halfway through a little brown head popped up about 2 feet away, and watched me with keen interest. At that stage I didn't really have any option but to continue - the moment I went to stand up, the little bastard dived down the hole, brushing my nethers in passing. Shite diet, those rats.

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You can quickly turn any toilet into hell with Picolax.

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cookiemonster wrote:: You can quickly turn any toilet into hell with Picolax.

I can well imagine.

Ever encountered that school tease clean film stretched tight over the bowl? Quite disconcerting.

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Quote :: No. I washed my hair with it, bit it did odd things to my face. I've washed myself with most thing in the bathroom that are not shower gel. I'm blind as a bat without my glasses, see.

I do know of a bloke who wears fake tan. He says he's straight but even his girlfriend isn't so sure anymore.

Does he play rugby for Wales?

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cookiemonster wrote:: I'm all about equality, as such do not see why it's left up to men to take responsibility for toilet operations. It was been established in posts above that we are, as a general rule, not as good with aim as we ought to be.
Why then is it called of us to both lift the seat before using the facilities and then replace it once we are done? We know that this never happens in most cases.
I suspect this is a conspiracy by the fairer sex to collect nagging rights to further emasculate their men and move a step closer to making us all metrosexual "feeling" types.

But I resist and I will continue to piss all over the seat as long as you women types continue to stock the shower with a confusing array of bottles - which I cannot distinguish between when I don't have my galsses-, none of which are shampoo.

Which brings us to the next question. Taking a wizz in the shower, yay or nay?

This was a critical question in the 80s, cookie. I believe it was part of Gerry Ryan's "Definition of a Southsider" series. He made out that only a Southsider would actually get out of the shower to go for a piss.

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This thread reminds me of a conversation I heard recently on a radio talk show. It was with a lady (can't remember her name) who wrote a book about sanitation. The book was called something like the secret of shit or something with 'shit' in the title anyway.
She was talking about how we in the west are so oblivious to the importance of sanitation, that all we have to do is press a button or a lever and it's all washed away.
I read the transcript of the emergency radio broadcast that was recently published in the UK. The broadcast was a recording that had been prepared in the event of a nuclear attack on the country. (The transcript is here)
The broadcast reminds people that water may be scarce and should not be used for flushing the toilet.
I wonder in Ireland today, if some kind of disaster were to happen, how many people would realise what a luxury our bathrooms are? How many people would understand that toilets and showers and baths are really extravagant and a total waste of one of our most precious resources?
How many people would keep flushing until they had nothing left to drink?
Just a thought.

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merged. Hope you weren't pissed off it took so long.

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Thank you Auditor. It didn't take long at all. It took me a long while to realise it was in the wrong thread in the first place.

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This might help

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What about the Dutch urinals that have a little picture of a fly inside them, which apparently gives men a target and improves aim.

I'm not sure if it's true because I read it on the internet but it seems plausible.

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AfricanDave wrote:: What about the Dutch urinals that have a little picture of a fly inside them, which apparently gives men a target and improves aim.

I'm not sure if it's true because I read it on the internet but it seems plausible.

Interesting to have a control group of toilets around the country to see the fliterage difference of the floors in the toilets without the fly. There's another radical way ... urophagia (3 million Chinese do it)

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Auditor #9 wrote:

AfricanDave wrote:: What about the Dutch urinals that have a little picture of a fly inside them, which apparently gives men a target and improves aim.

I'm not sure if it's true because I read it on the internet but it seems plausible.

Interesting to have a control group of toilets around the country to see the fliterage difference of the floors in the toilets without the fly. There's another radical way ... urophagia (3 million Chinese do it)

20 trillion flies eat sh!t. that doesn't mean i'm going to start eating turd!

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zakalwe wrote:

Auditor #9 wrote:

AfricanDave wrote:: What about the Dutch urinals that have a little picture of a fly inside them, which apparently gives men a target and improves aim.

I'm not sure if it's true because I read it on the internet but it seems plausible.

Interesting to have a control group of toilets around the country to see the fliterage difference of the floors in the toilets without the fly. There's another radical way ... urophagia (3 million Chinese do it)

20 trillion flies eat sh!t. that doesn't mean i'm going to start eating turd!

It would be very direct feedback for you if you were forced to drink your own wee wee every morning, zakalwe. You would be very careful then about the toxins you'd put into your bladder the night before and you'd get to directly taste what it is your body doesn't like and excretes. You might avoid eating tomatoes or drinking too much coffee. Then again you might drink more coffee. I tell you you'd live forever if you'd only drank a cup of your own water every morning.

Feedback - 'tis mighty.

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The Lighthouse Keeper wrote:: This might help

Hey LHK! This idea sounds like it has distinct possibilites! I've tried something similar before - a ping pong ball for the youngest male in the house but it actually made things worse because he sort of chased it about the bowl, if you understand me, so it actually made matters considerably worse. Not to mention other problems of the wretched thing being in the bowl in every circumstance. Anyway, a fixed point at which to aim - ideally cleanable in situ seems like the best solution - but only if the sitting down option really can't be countenanced.

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Auditor #9 wrote:

zakalwe wrote:

Auditor #9 wrote:

AfricanDave wrote:: What about the Dutch urinals that have a little picture of a fly inside them, which apparently gives men a target and improves aim.

I'm not sure if it's true because I read it on the internet but it seems plausible.

Interesting to have a control group of toilets around the country to see the fliterage difference of the floors in the toilets without the fly. There's another radical way ... urophagia (3 million Chinese do it)

20 trillion flies eat sh!t. that doesn't mean i'm going to start eating turd!

It would be very direct feedback for you if you were forced to drink your own wee wee every morning, zakalwe. You would be very careful then about the toxins you'd put into your bladder the night before and you'd get to directly taste what it is your body doesn't like and excretes. You might avoid eating tomatoes or drinking too much coffee. Then again you might drink more coffee. I tell you you'd live forever if you'd only drank a cup of your own water every morning.

Feedback - 'tis mighty.

you is a

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Kate P wrote:

Quote :: No. I washed my hair with it, bit it did odd things to my face. I've washed myself with most thing in the bathroom that are not shower gel. I'm blind as a bat without my glasses, see.

I do know of a bloke who wears fake tan. He says he's straight but even his girlfriend isn't so sure anymore.

Does he play rugby for Wales?

Not for Wales, no.

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For frigs sake lads - it really says something that this has been probably the most active thread over the last 2 days.

My solution - apart from the fact that all you have to do is take your time and use the 2 hands that God gave ya (washing them aftewards-of course)

Well a couple of years back myself and a couple of mates were staggering down the road from the pub one drunken night to their homeplace and one of them - who just couldn't hold it for the twenty yards left up to the house , hopped into the hedge for some relief ,which lasted for about 5 seconds until the electric current from the cattle fence he was spraying kicked into life - that put a whole new edge to his bladder discomfort I'll tell ya.

So there ya are - electricify the perimeter and if you get buzzed - well serves ya right ye messy so and so.

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Squire wrote:: Visions of early morning train journeys in India and all those people squatting in the fields.

Worst toilet I have ever seen was Victoria (Central) Station Mumbai. Must have been a problem with the drains. Yes CookieMonster's wadding would have been required. I could not even approach it the smell was indescribable. How do you get to a situation where you have pools, no a lake, of sewerage? At what point do people decide NO not there?

I remember hearing someone say that the reason some parts of the east support much higher population densities than ours is because nothing escapes the never-ending Circle of Life, so to speak.

I met an African who was horrified beyond belief when I explained to him that the poo from our town was all dumped into the river just about the drinking water intake. On reflection, even without the pollution, it can't be sustainable to turf out all these precious nutrients into the river and sea.

So yes to Auditor's first question - the occasional pee onto the compost heap is very helpful to the composting process. Whilst I had great admiration for Kate P's douty stand on P.ie against outdoor peeing, I remember pming her to say that the discrete watering of the compost heap is in my view a good thing and an acceptable occasion for outdoor urination.

It seems unlikely that the sanitation issue ever came up until there were cities and until people settled. Some Travellers still despise loos as nasty dirty places and would much prefer a nice clean corner of a field. The Minoans had flushing loos and streams were diverted through buildings in Ireland in the middle ages to provide a good flush out. But it wasn't until the 19th century that people copped on to the connection between typhoid and contaminated drinking water.

Back to Aragon's topic. It does seem a little Alpha male-ish, the standing thing. If it goes to the heart of what being a male is, is there any part in trying to fight it? Would installing a little house urinal do the trick ?

Killjoy Belgian police banned the game ! What a Face

http://blog.wired.com/games/2007/11/belgian-police.html

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Kate P wrote:: Lord, but this is a marvellous thread. The title is inspired, Aragon.

Having garnered for myself a not inconsiderable reputation on p.ie for standing up against urinating in public places, I'm reluctant to get involved here, but what the heck.

The seat issue, I don't have a problem with - I don't leave it up for him, I don't expect him to put it down for me. That said, the whole thing just looks neater when the seat is down and his mother had him so well trained, I never needed to have a Mrs Meldrew moment.

Toiletries in the shower... this male fascination with one bottle that does everything just bewilders me, but then my body is not covered in hair to the extent that I require an all-over shampoo. I will defend to anyone my right to have an expensive shower gel that makes me smell like Nicole Kidman and a nasties-free shampoo that makes my hair smell like Turkish delight. All-over 'forest' or 'ocean' or 'refreshing' smells like something we'd use to clean the toilet = but most men, being unversed in that skill, don't often make the connection.

Difficulties I find only arise when there are two people in the shower and compromises are easilyreached without much consideration at all.

Re pee...
Standing or sitting shouldn't be an issue because after considerable training in the younger years, the old point and aim (and washing of the hands afterwards), should not be a feat that requires amazing dexterity or concentration. We recently had a male houseguest who peed everywhere but into the bowl - down the side of, around and beside but never, it seemed, into. He is an intelligent, able man holding down a good job and yet he can't pee straight? I don't get it - but I was glad when he left.

But the waft from the jacks can be gruesome. I remember one cruel moment in a hotel in the Midlands where I had to move because the smell from the gents 20 feet away was so bad I couldn't think straight. Ten minutes later the area I'd left was full of men eating big dirty fries, oblivious to the stink. Back in my old pub-working days, cleaning the men's toilets was a nightmare at the end of the night. I can't imagine why or how the ladies' could be worse - they rarely have been in my experience and I've been in a lot of them though I do remember a hideous place in Bray one time. There's so much less room for error in the ladies'.

Aragon, you have my sympathies.

I'd forgotten that thread on p.ie Kate, and a valiant effort it was too. Your last line gets to the crux of it - there is so much less room for error in the ladies because sitting on that damned loo is what people do in there. The whole problem could be solved over night if the requirement were enforced, say, by way of a simple constitutional ammendment or something. The preceding referendum would be a landslide vote in favour among women (aren't women in the majority now anyhow?).

On a separate but related point I'm intrigued by your spelling of the word 'jacks'. I don't think I've ever seen it actually written down before but I'd always imagined it was 'jax'. Does anyone know the origin or etymology of the term, I wonder?